Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
