the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
