when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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