Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
