I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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