hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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