I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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