a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
