let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
