So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
