It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
