We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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