I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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