Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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