I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
