Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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