i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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