Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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