So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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