i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why do cheetos always look like penises
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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