my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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