good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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