Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
