do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
