If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
