you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
