Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm having to shit out rocks
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
