She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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