ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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