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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
