i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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