Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
