just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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