I just pynch a tree in the face
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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