can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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