I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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