i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
