Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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