the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How's work?
Spinning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
