I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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