i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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