i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She announced her abortion via fbk
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
