You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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