I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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