The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
pray to the hookup gods
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