I checked into jail on foursquare
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
