So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
