I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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