Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
