You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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