There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
