I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
so much tequila, so little girl.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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