remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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