so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
