In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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