Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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