Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
