out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
