toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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