pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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