the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
