you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
