Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
