I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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