Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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