My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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