I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
