He asked me if I "almost moaned"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
