I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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